so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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