You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
