Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
