Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
