What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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