He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize