I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize