i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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