Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
