dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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