yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
