Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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