So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
