So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
