So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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