there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i need some magic done to my vagina
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
