I can't watch pbs sober anymore
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
