I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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