Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
