i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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