So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He passed out mid-signature
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sext me about skeletons
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
