How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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