i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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