He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
