sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
