Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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