There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
