he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
