just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
