He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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