Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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