my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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