Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
