yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
