In the future we'll all be gay
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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