I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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