You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
