My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
