CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
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The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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