So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
