Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
