The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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