My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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