you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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