Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
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