I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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