now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
