I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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