True but thats because hes a fetus.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
This toilet bowl is my home.
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