I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
