We're facebook friends in real life
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
