I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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