Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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