just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
