I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
