Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
