All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
