thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
