there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so let's talk penis.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
