those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
