i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
