My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
