K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
