how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
