I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
