His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
