I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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