Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
