just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
it's like iHOP with fire
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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