this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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