Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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