I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
