Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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