North Korea, Best Korea!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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