whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
