If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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