I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
