my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
