I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
