I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
