Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
